We get that it's tough, especially the last couple of years with COVID to keep things lively and positive when TTCing.
Some couples report that their relationship is affected positively both in how they now interact with each other emotionally and also in the physical and intimate part of their relationship. Sadly, however, one of the main reasons for the growing tensions in a relationship is sex and the changing dynamics of this intimate union.
Research shows that 56% of couples feel that their sex life has been affected by trying to conceive. The main cause of stress is that sex becomes ‘baby-making’ sex and loses the intimate and loving nature that it had before.
Sex is often used subconsciously as a way of expressing and communicating our feelings with our partner. This also includes the more negative emotions of withholding sexual contact as a way of expressing feelings of anger, resentment, or disappointment.
As well as our emotions playing a part in our relationship, physical aspects can interact too. Ironically at the time, you need to be having the most sex, this might be the last thing you or your partner may feel like doing! Loss of libido can be due to many factors and can be interlinked with feelings of anxiety, depression and even the feeling that as you can’t conceive, having sex is pointless.
It’s obvious that to make a baby you need to be having regular sex; however, you may be surprised just how many of my patients just are not having enough sex; I have no doubt that this is due to the pressure of trying to conceive. If you are concerned about how much this stress is affecting your relationship, it’s important to seek help.
Your doctor may be able to refer you to a relationship counselor who can help get your relationship back on track. Below are some simple steps you can take now to put back the fun into your relationship and regain the intimacy you enjoyed when your relationship was all about just the two of you...
Here are a few tips to put the love back into your lovemaking!
- Identify why you think your or your partner’s libido has reduced since you started trying to conceive.
- Keep the channels of communication open with your partner and take the time to discuss each other’s feelings around sex.
- Make time for each other that doesn’t involve the bedroom. Enjoy one another’s company, hold hands, go on a date, be romantic, and put the loving back into your relationship.
- Try not to think about the mechanics of having sex as in, is this the right time / the right position? Try and enjoy the feelings of intimacy and the connection with your partner.
- Mix up your life a bit as everyday work life and routine can be passion killers. Put spontaneity back in your relationship. Book that mini-break you have been considering.
- Recreate situations that made you both feel romantic when you first met like a romantic candlelight dinner, picnic in the park, or a bath together are lovely ideas.
- Recognize the lovely little things that you do for each other on a day-to-day basis rather than dwelling on the disappointments and negative factors.
Best of luck on your fertility journey!
